Media: My Toxic Lover

Oh yes, we are, indeed, lovers. That is undeniably true. We have been lovers for a long time now. Is it, however, a healthy relationship? Or is it a poisonous and one-sided romance? I’m not quite sure.

My lover has given me the freedom to express myself. My lover has given me the opportunity to evolve and create. My lover has given me the chance to explore the world. My lover has given me the access to an infinite amount of information. My lover helped me overcome the distance of 1193.4 kilometres between me and my family. My lover has connected me with my friends. My lover was there when no one else was when I felt lonely, helpless, and lost. My lover has always guided me and most importantly: my lover has never abandoned me. 

My lover is and always will be present. My lover is omnipresent…

However, my lover has occasionally betrayed me

Sometimes, my lover has given me long nights of crying my heart out. My lover is addictive. My lover has made me compare myself to others. My lover has given me constant anxiety. My lover has made me insecure. My lover has developed my desire to follow unattainable beauty standards. My lover has made me feel overwhelmed. My lover has allowed others to bully me anonymously. My lover has made me think that I am not unique. My lover made me feel like I am not and will never be enough.

So… how do I feel or, how should I feel about my lover?

That is exactly what I am seeking to answer. This relationship is complex and unstable. Nonetheless, it is also inevitable. Whether I want it or not, it will always be there.

So, my lover… as we will be stuck together for the rest of our lives, let’s promise to be good to each other.

Paulina Jankowska

Student ID: 13640267

Published by deuzemedialife

Mediastudies, University of Amsterdam

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