Communal computer

The main computer in my household growing up was placed in the kitchen, on the kitchen island next to the spices to be precise. As a child with a father who loves tech stuff, i was allowed 2 up to 3 hours of ”computer time” a day. I’d play games alone or with my friends and later on mostly with my online friends. In the beginning i couldn’t use any website my father didn’t vet first, that was no problem for young me; the internet felt safe that way and i thought every parent did that. And after two or three hours or sometimes mysteriously that particular day would the computer automatically log out and shut down: time is up. And i was at peace with it for a while, until i wanted more time because my brother seemed to have more than i did. After a bit of an argument about allowing me more time, i discovered my dad could shut down the computer from another computer in his workspace or anywhere in and outside the house really. And only then he finally told me he works for the government and his job entailed pretty much to hack the hackers that were trying to get into government databases. That was also the time i realized: he could see every site i visit or any game i play live. My father then began to ”troll” me; mid game he’d let a message pop up causing me to be distracted, he could move my controls or my cursor and fuck around with that a bit, jumpscares could pop up.. the list goes on..

When i asked him if he didn’t trust me, and if he for my saniety’s sake could not watch every move i make online

( and if he could please please stop trolling me)

he told me this:

”It’s not that i don’t trust you, and i will give you more freedom from now on, but understand this: when you were younger i wanted to protect you from anything bad online or let’s say anything…. too spicy.”

I have been careful with media most of my life, until i started to rebel a bit and just stopped caring for a while, which gave me freedom but also a lot of life lessons for mistakes or situations i could’ve avoided. Now it’s kind of a mix of both caring and not caring to some degree. Knowingly i might be watched or surveilled at any given moment i spend online anywhere.

[Hi dad if you are reading this: don’t forget your dentist appointment in about 9 hours from now, also don’t text me ‘thank you for reminding me’ — i rather not know if you can actually read this, love you:)]

Student number: 13930125