Media for ambivalence

The first thing I do when I wake up in the morning is to check my phone,

dozens and hundreds unread messages flooding in,

comments and DMs, notification from various Apps,

replying to all, checking all,

I lay in bed on my back and stare at the ceiling,

thinking,

what is life?

and why my life seems to be so tied up to this tiny screen,

made up with electronic pulses of 0 and 1.

Then I turn on my phone again,

texting my friends, asking when they want to hang out.

Then open up Spotify and listen to my favourite playlist.

And start my new day with it.

I enjoyed this,

indulging myself with such rich amount of information and convenience.

But sometimes I worry about this as well,

Indulging myself in the digital world too much,

I got social media anxiety graduately,

I started to care about others’ opinion too much,

having eating disorder and being insecured,

but also thanks to social media,

I started to see positive blogs and videos,

which encourage us to embrace ourselves,

and our imperfections.

I started to feel comfortable about myself again,

and got the smile on my face back again.

Right now I have a balanced relationship with media,

and I am happy about it,

it gives me woe sometimes,

but it gives me joy more!

Student number: 13016237

Published by deuzemedialife

Mediastudies, University of Amsterdam

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