From love to hate and back again

My relationship with media is pretty complicated I think. I’ve been using it since I was eight years old. I would go on forums for girls my age and I’d made a lot of friends. In real life, away from media I was pretty shy and reserved. I had a hard time making friends and expressing myself. But online I felt like I could be myself. I’m still in contact with some of the friends I made back then and I think that’s really special. Because of those forums I discovered my passion for writing. I’d write my own stories and fanfictions and my biggest dream was to become a published writer. This later changed to becoming a journalist. That dream still hasn’t changed.

Media has saved me from loneliness and boredom. When I would have a hard time making friends at school, I would come home and talk to the friends I made online. This has also been keeping me sane during the pandemic. You see, I like being at home and I enjoy spending time alone, so I think the lockdowns didn’t affect me as much as other people, but after a couple of weeks I felt like I was going insane. I talked to my friend about this and he got some friends together to play games. About once a week, this group of around ten people would come together and play games for a couple of hours. It was online, yes, but we had something to do and something to look forward to. 

But this pandemic also made me realise how much I hate media. There are so many positive sides of (social) media, but the negative sides were something I started to notice. I’d watch the news and see mostly negative reports and I got a lot of anxiety because of that. I noticed that even though I wanted to, I couldn’t stop consuming media all the time. I started to feel trapped in it. I started leaving my phone in my room for the day, but then I would still need to lose my laptop or watch television or I’d hear about something involuntarily. 

While all of this was happening, I was studying journalism. And what is a journalist without media, right? 

Media intrigues me still, it’s like an addiction. I see the problems and negative effects, but I still love it. It’s the reason I chose to study Media and Information.

In conclusion, media shaped me to who I am today and I am grateful. But it also frustrates me and I want to take a step back sometimes. I know this isn’t realistic, so I just deal with it and accept it’s flaws and embrace the positive sides of it.

Student ID: 13956728

Published by deuzemedialife

Mediastudies, University of Amsterdam

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