I love media. I love waking up and checking my notifications and scrolling through Instagram. I love media, it’s there for me every second of every day. Whenever I feel restless and feel my heartbeat rising, it’s there for me. I pull my phone out of my pocket and just scroll endlessly. It’s an escape. I love media. Whenever I feel like there’s too much going on in the room, TikTok is there for me. As I sit here, writing this blog post, my TV is on. Media is constantly on; I feel like I’m being watched and taken care of. I love media, it is always there to fill in the white noise of my empty apartment.
I love media, because whenever I feel like I’m alone, I can check Snapchat and see all the different activities that people in my life, both physically and digitally are up to. I love media. I spent thousands of dollars making sure that I have the best and most updated devices so that I can constantly indulge in media. As I look up, I see my TV, it’s muted. I see my iPad next to me, ready to watch some Netflix. I feel my phone in my pocket, buzzing, every time someone messages me. I love media, it fills my life with noise so that I don’t feel the emptiness of starting a new life thousands of miles away from my home.
I love media. It’s a good distraction to keep myself busy and my mind away from the daunting feelings of loneliness of moving away from home. I love media, it feels suffocating at times, but it’s always there for me.
Do I love media? It’s always on. There’s no escape. But then I think to myself, without media life would be dull. Wouldn’t it? It’s an escape from the world, but do I need to escape from media? Or does the constant need to have media make normal life seem dull…
But wait, did I seriously just take a break between sentences because I felt the need to scroll on Instagram? Do I love media? Or do I feel like it replaces the warmth of being at home? Do I love media or am I just so fascinated by it, that I cannot see past it? Why do I feel the need to check my phone every 5 minutes, knowing that nothing would change if I didn’t? Is my relationship with media toxic? Do I love media? Or has life evolved that we are taught to love something that isn’t necessarily good for us? Has life evolved that we cannot see past media? Do I love media, or was I just raised to love it? Do I love media? Or has it just become integrated into my daily life that I cannot imagine life without it?
I don’t love media. It prevents me from enjoying my 10-minute walks to the metro station. It prevents me from focusing on conversations with friends. It prevents me from enjoying the sunset without taking a picture of it for everyone to see. But wait, media connects me to my family. It connects me to my friends. It makes me feel okay. It helps me cope with moving so far away from home.
I do love media, but I think this relationship is toxic. Damn, never thought I’d have a love-hate relationship with a digital cloud. But isn’t that what unconditional love essentially is?
But then again, do I love media?