Nowadays, the boundaries between life in and outside media are becoming more blurred and harder to define. People tend to not realize how integrated humans and their devices really are. Because of the fusion between humans and technology, reality and virtuality, etc. “the unknown” generate tense and complex emotions in people. Almost everybody has their opinion of what the future will look like in terms of technology and the media environment.  Some are scared that machines will replace them at their jobs; others feel excited about new devices and opportunities. Now I would put myself in the second group, but it wasn’t always like that. 

When I was a kid, just starting my journey with media, I felt frightened by technologies and the environment. I had this kind of irrational fear in my head. Every second, while I was using my computer or phone, I felt like someone was constantly watching me through the camera. I thought that my every move was monitored and felt like I was in some kind of danger while using devices. The feeling was getting so intense that I stopped participating in media outside of watching movies on tv (without a camera!). 

Years later, when I grew up, I realized that I’d never felt this extreme emotional state ever after that phase. That got me thinking – why was I so scared? Do I just hate technology as a kid? Why would I? Was it just a childish irrational fear? And even if, why technology? Why not the boogeyman or ghosts? Or maybe I was right, and there is something to be scared of. 

As a teenager, when I have met my friends and discovered I could text and communicate with them all day long, it gave me a new fun and exciting feeling. It made me feel connected with everyone close to me, anywhere I was. So I still felt like there was someone all the time – but more in a comforting way. It made me feel safe and secure. So the complete opposite to what I was feeling earlier.

A few years later, I’ve become inseparable from my devices. They provided me everything I’ve asked for – knowledge, entertainment, contact with loved ones. I realized that it was a part of me. A piece of me that I don’t want to be afraid of. That I need to understand better. That media is a much bigger, fascinating, and constantly changing inner world. That is why I study media. To answer my questions from the past and those many that appear whenever I dive into the mysterious world of media.

Student ID: 13970100

Published by deuzemedialife

Mediastudies, University of Amsterdam

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