Why I Heart My Media

There are three questions that surround us during our whole life: who we think we are; who we try to be; and who we actually are. The last one question, some psychologists believe that we will never know the right answer. Though, humans do not give up on knowing their own personality: what are their wishes; why they behavior like that; where the feelings come from and why they come.

This post, though, is about the second question involving “who”. Doing some research about myself on the internet, and having in mind that supposedly I should not know anything about myself, I noticed how hard is to be honest with others about the issue of who I actually think I am and try to take off the mask I put on the internet in order to be someone I try to be. Though it was hard. I tried my best. It was a great exercise to help me accomplish the one objective of human: to know my personality.

In my researches I saw a person that is afraid of people to think she is superficial and equal as everyone. A person that is afraid of not being special somehow. Mostly, you are not going to find a common sense like in her profile: the bands, the authors, the books.

This person is also a bit delayed in its involvement with social media in comparison with other people. Most of the profiles are unused: Stoa, Meetme, Linkedin, even Twitter. On her Facebook there is not many photos posted by herself and there are not many posts on her feed also. Maybe that is another struggle to be different, since everyone is getting more and more involved with social media day by day or maybe a fear of exposing herself to others since she might also fears what people think about her. Maybe it is both. Though waiting to be different somehow, I found out that I also use a mask on social media as everyone else. I want to show the best of me. What I think it is the best, at least. I would not exposure my weaknesses.

Therefore, thinking about the second question involving “who”, it was also a great exercise to help me accomplish the one objective of human, which is to know my personality, because I got deeply in touch with who I try to be and who I think I am. Doing so, I believe I got a bit closer today to the answer of the question about who I actually am. 

Fernanda Conforto.

In the occasional and undesirable scenario in that I would lose my memory and have only with me an identity card, googling myself would turn out to be more difficult than I had previously anticipated.

Before we begin exploring this unlikely and miserable amnesia situation I hypothetically gotten myself into, I would like to make a clarification about my name, which I know puzzles a lot of one-last-name-only people. As many Brazilians, my name is composed by my given name, my mother’s family name and my father’s family name. I have two last names which make up my full name. I usually use Ana Toledo online and even offline. The issue is that this name is extremely common. Googling “Ana Toledo” gives me about 51 million entries. I would have to know more data about myself in order to search for myself. Poor Amnesia me has very few information available to her.

My full name gives me 3 million results, but most of those are not the complete name. Amnesia me would then google it between apostrophes. These are the first 5 entries she would find in order:

1 – A magazine article with Ana being interviewed about her short exchange in Latvia in 2002. Amnesia me would realize that there is no picture anymore of this person there, but she probably would have liked to have gone to Latvia as well. Maybe Amnesia me would get as annoyed as I am with how the reporter edited the interview and put words in my mouth. Nah, Amnesia me would not know about that.

2 – A 2012 someone uploaded a file in docstoc.com entitled in Portuguese “Applications”. My name is among numerous other names in a 297 page document with no more information. Amnesia me wonders what the heck. Non-amnesia me wonders what the heck as well.

3 – A very sketchy looking site which loves suspicious pop ups called yasni Brasil has my full name and my email address.  Amnesia me wonders if this site connects to my true self. Non-amnesia me is very suspicious of this website.

4 – A paper about a presentation about Native Brazilian representation in cartoons as a part of a History project in a university in Rio. “Maybe I am a historian?” wonders Amnesia me.

5 – A list of students enrolled in the History course in a Brazilian university. My name among many names, Amnesia me likes the idea of being a historian. “Have I graduated at all?” she wonders. The page does not tell.

I have noticed that most of my blogs, fotolog, personal articles or every single thing I have done since I started using the internet in 1997 does not have my full name linked to them, at least not at first glance. Amnesia me might not find them, she would be overwhelmed looking at all those entries trying to find these things. She does not know that I – and I had not noticed that either until right now – love to use pseudonyms and avatars for whatever reason. Amnesia me would have to make a very good and tiresome work to find more information. She would have a hard time finding a picture with the same person as in her id card connected to the name.  She might just accept being a historian, have gone to Latvia at age 20, made some research on iconography and presented it in a symposium. If she goes to the second page of Google with her full name, she would find her being accepted at the University of Helsinki to study Media. She might just like and really appreciate that. Or she might have thought “damn… why haven’t I studied something like business or engineering? Oh, well….”.

In case someone gave her a hint about her filmmaking past, she could try to find the Ana Toledo linked to that. Non-amnesia me confesses that she is quite disappointed to find out that this would be a very hard task. Maybe she should do something about it… or maybe not. Does it matter or are we just dancing for no one? 

This is probably the weirdest writing task I’ve ever got in University, but here we go: Facebook, journalism and theatre. That’s how I’d describe the first impressions I get by googling myself. There are some links to a year old television interview, and links to reviews of my last theatre direction Item No 316. The play was about human trafficking and thus many writings are about awareness raising and prevention of trafficking. There’s also a trailer for the play. At least five other theatre plays that I’ve been involved with are on the list.

One curiosity that I found was an article on getting rid of body hair. An article that I have not written. But the explanation is clear: when working as a journalist for YLE I had taken a picture of the legs of a woman lying on a sunny beach. The picture was originally used on an article about the dangers of sun burns. But as it seems YLE has reused it in a weird way. I might call them and ask to delete my name from the photo credits ;D

I also found a link to my Google+ account, that says: “Tytti Rintanen hasn’t shared anything on this page with you.” Let’s keep it that way.

So I used Google to find myself. As you can see in the picture below, in a sidebar, Google immediately informed me that I’m a student at Uni Helsinki, and tried to seduce me into filling out my profile information on Google+ (which I’m actively trying to avoid, but turns out that Google has created a profile for me without asking).

There doesn’t seem to be other people with my name, since Google actually manages to find the right person immediately. The first hit naturally leads to my Facebook page, which is rather uninteresting, if you are not a friend of mine. You can only browse my profile cover photos, which suggest that I like cute and colorful things and alcohol. And that’s not a lie.

The next hits are related to work: my LinkedIn profile and my personal portfolio/homepage in Swedish. On LinkedIn you get to know that I’m a freelance journalist and translator, you see my CV and a picture of me where I try to look friendly. On my home page you’re being bombarded with all kind of information about me; you can get a short version of my life story, you can view academic and published work etc. You’d have to be really obsessed interested to read everything. The pages leave you with the impression that I want to communicate a professional and ambitious image of myself.

The following Google hit is an article from last year, discussing globalization, which wasn’t super good, but hey, it has a prestigious title. Followed by an empty profile on YLE’s, (the public broadcasting company) web page, which I didn’t know existed. It just displays my name, so you can’t really tell what I’m doing there. I also seem to have a profile on SlideShare (probably since I’ve downloaded some presentation), followed by hits on a personal search engine, with no proper information. The next link leads you to a news piece from last autumn, about me being chosen as an editor for a magazine published by uni. And finally, a profile on something called Chillweek.com, which I didn’t know existed either. It says I’m going to attend Justin Timberlake’s concert in May. (It also told me that my connection to the page timed out in Estonian…) And as a contrast to the professional image I obviously want to project on other social media, Chillweek has obtained an old profile description from somewhere: “bubbly, overenthusiastic, a bit silly, very curious, sometimes annoying and always all over the place.” Still works!

I was kind of hoping to find something interesting, but at least I discovered some previously unknown profiles. I seem to be in control of my internet appearance, what a relief!

So here I am with only a name and a photo on a passport that’s supposedly mine. Let’s see what Google has to offer…

I must say I am a bit dissapointed. There’s not a single Facebook, LinkedIn, Twitter or any other social media profile which would be under my name. The links that come up are a bit random actually and don’t give a clear and unambiguous picture of who I am. Two links are about being part of the ceremonial conferment of Aalto University. There’s one link that suggests someone with my name is in the board of a student theatre in Jyväskylä (a town in central Finland). I also find out that some Noora has written their thesis on dog assisted occupational therapy. Someone with my name does the Scouts. There’s also a link to a press release with contact information to a Communications Trainee called Noora. The links on the next page are basically on someone doing student theatre. None of these web pages have pictures, so actually I can’t be sure are they about me or someone with the same name. Probably all of these are not the same Nooras as their occupations don’t match with studies and they seem to be living in different cities (unless they have been moving around).

So, if I’d really lose my memory, I wouldn’t get much from Google. On Facebook, on the other hand, I’d find two profiles under my name, but the profile pictures aren’t ideal for identifying the person in them. But according to the Facebook profiles, there are in fact two Nooras with the same name, one living in Jyväskylä and the other studying and working in the media field (according to her groups). And that’s about it, since the profiles are limited from public. I’m left a bit confused on who I am as Google and Facebook offer only bits and pieces from here and there.

I’m quite relieved I didn’t find anything embarrassing or too personal about myself on Google. I’ve actually adjusted my privacy settings on every social media application so that my profiles don’t come up in search engines. I’ve also restricted the public views of my social media profiles. Maybe I’m a bit paranoid with the privacy issues, because, as we talked in class today, who really cares about what I post or do online. But this way I have a bit more control over what other people see or know about me – at least I want to believe so.

Noora H.

Google can give me back my lost memories ? 

I’m not sure because when I google my name, I’m not the first Marie Duperier indexed by Google through Facebook and thanks to the profile picture I can see it’s not me. I appear in the second position with my Facebook profile, but it’s not only me because my twin sister and me we share our Facebook profile, one for both of us. The reason of this is a practical one: in 2008 our cousin who was travelling in Australia created a Facebook profile for us to see her trip pictures and we have never changed it. Why ? I don’t really know. I think I like this idea to share with my twin sister, as we don’t study in the same city I can know her friends, and I have the impression of being not alone online, as if  I am more protected, more in safety and more difficult to find online thanks to this, because our Facebook profile name is Marie Fanny Duperier. On this profile we just can see our profile and cover pictures (5 pictures in all) and these pictures show our trips together, so it’s as if I am trying to show me as a traveller, therefore “a cool person”, and as I am very close with my twin sister. 

There is no more things about me online. Hence maybe I give the impression of being no-connected, no modern, no mediated, not too much involved in social networks… Or perhaps on the contrary  I give the impression of being a rebellious person against social media and internet who refuses to join the social networks community… I think these two possibilities are wrong but maybe some people feel this about me. I don’t know who I am trying to be online because before I have never wondered about this, I think yes in Facebook, like everybody, I want to show my best memories (trips and good time with friends and family) because bad memories are too intimate, too private. You want to share happiness not misfortune, the world is already too miserable. And I don’t feel the need to be on other social networks, except LinkedIn I am thinking about register me and I think I will do it to have contacts in my field of work. 

 

 

There were two things that impressed me when I searched my name online: One is how embarrassing it is while the other is how authentic it is! If I were amnesia, I might really be able to find myself back by searching my name.

The first thing I found by googling my name in Chinese is an interview of me on a campus magazine. It was published four years ago. It said I was the leader of the debate team of Journalism and Communication School, Renmin University of China. It seemed that I was quite passionate about debate and I loved movies, reading and animation. It even published pictures of me. It helped me make sure that it was me rather than other people with the same name. But I have to say that girl in the picture seems very stupid for me now and that’s the most embarrassing part! But there was already enough information to find myself back. I know my university, my hobbies and I can speculate my age from it.

The second result was a Renren (Chinese  website similar to Facebook; Chinese government has blocked Facebook access) page under my name.  It had been blocked and I couldn’t make sure if it was me or someone else with the same name. What I could see were just two avatars which were obviously not me. One is an actress making a grimace and the other one is an animation character making grimace. So I must be someone who love grimace if it were me. Actually it is. One thing that surprised me is that I can still find this page now though I DELETED all my data three years ago and blocked the account since I decided to quit. It proved again what we covered in class today that all the DELETE thing is just ILLUSION.

I also found two videos which I made in university. The name of the  account showed that it was used by a class to upload all the assignments of the students. Then I could find out names of my classmates and who I had been working with.  It’s just like this blog which we are writing now. It might also be useful if I really got amnesia one day!

There was also an account under my name on a Chinese forum called “To Know”. It’s a very rational forum where people can ask and answer any kind of question, and ‘like’ good answers on their opinion. Answers will be ranked by the ‘like’ they got. From the data of the account, I know that it followed topics like tennis, Japanese music, Japanese movie, Japanese drama and Japanese animation! So I must be a big fan of Japanese culture, which is true, AGAIN!

I’ve also found two papers written by me published on academic journals. One on advertising and the other on history of journalism. That’s quite confusing for making sure what is my study interest. It’s a real situation again because actually I am confusing now even though I always pretended to be sure when I told other people about it. It’s interesting that the traces  I left online could even REFLECT ME MORE AUTHENTICALLY than what I do in real life!

 

Staring at the passport on the table, I’m dripping sweat. I now have a name—but do I really want to know more? What if I turn out to be a total jerk? A convict on the loose? A mass murderer who never got caught and then the past caught up with him, which caused him to lose his memory in the process? The possibilities are of course endless, but all I can think of are the worst case scenarios.

Hands shaking, I write the name on Google and press enter. Here. We. Go.

There isn’t a lot of information on my Facebook page—it’s mostly just bands and movies and books I apparently like. I gasp in terror when I realize I’ve read Infinite Jest. Now I have to start the whole fucking thing all over again.

It also seems I work as an Communications Designer for an IT company. There I am, smiling in front of my computer that, according to the childish stickers, must be the same one I’m using now. I’ve also worked as a some kind of freelance writer—but of course the articles are mostly just really shallow and boring reviews of movies I’ve seen or shows I’ve apparently been to that don’t really offer any valuable information other than the fact that I really hated the remake of The Pink Panther.

I browse through a cringe-worthy music review that was supposedly written by me in the ninth grade when it finally dawns on me: I won’t be able to erase any of this. I don’t have the passwords to either the services themselves or the email accounts they’re connected to. I guess that only leaves me one gloomy option: I have to pretend I really am this god-awful hipster wannabe that I seemed to be before my memory loss, and act accordingly. I suppose no one will be able to tell the difference, anyways.

I take a sip from my glass, wondering if I even drink. Guess I do now.

Tuomas J.
University of Helsinki

Ok, so I hope I’ll never lose my memory and if I do, I hope Google is not my only option to regain my old self back. Finding out who and what kind of person I am by googleling myself didn’t turn out to be easy. As you might know, Laura is quite a common name all around the world. On top of this my last name, Salonen, is one of the most popular in Finland. So, as I googled myself, I didn’t manage to find myself on the first page of my google search, even though I clicked Facebook open as well. On Facebook I wasn’t even shown in the offered options of “Laura Salonen”, although I tried to make a more specific search by searching from people living in Helsinki (anyway, my current profile picture doesn’t show my face so I wouldn’t recognize myself).

There seems to be a radio host called Laura Salonen who is working for a Finnish radio station called SuomiPop and who’s taking most of the attention out of me. However, she doesn’t look like the girl in my driver’s license, so I think I’m not her. The first page where I manage to find myself is LinkedIn. I get some information about my work and studies but I haven’t filled my profile information that deeply so it doesn’t really give me that much clue about me as a person. The next page where I show up is my Pinterest account, which tells me something about my (more material) interests. I’m quite an active pinner and according to my Pinterest profile, I like clothes, home decoration and food.

It’s actually sort of relieving to drown into the big Google sea filled with persons who have the same name as I do. But also a little sad – there are so many Laura Salonens who are more “popular” than I am and have done some remarkable things (according to Google) that they overthrow my presence in this information filled world. So, should I start branding myself or just be content that my future bosses won’t get any information on me from the web?

However, this is the first time I google myself and actually take a deeper look into it, so it’s funny to find that there are people that have the same name as I do and they have done the same things that I’ve done.  Like there has been a Laura Salonen sitting in the parent council of the high school where I went to, there’s a Laura Salonen who’s a swimmer (I used to swim), there are few Laura Salonens who live in Pori (a town where I was born), etc. We are not just sharing our name but also our interests, it seems.

PS. There actually used to be a Facebook group for people called Laura Salonen. I think it doesn’t exist anymore, but maybe I should consider putting it up again.